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Closing the gap

Why does my dog listen to the trainer and not me?

It can feel personal when your dog sits instantly for the trainer at pick-up and looks blankly at you. It is not. This page explains what your dog is actually responding to, the two habits that close the gap fastest, and a two-minute check you can run on yourself with a phone.

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Last reviewed October 10, 2026 · by the Dogtown team · reviewed by Gabriella Pope, Director of Training & Canine Behaviorist

The whole cue

Your dog hears the word, but it also reads everything that comes with it

In a 2005 study in Applied Animal Behaviour Science, Fukuzawa, Mills and Cooper trained dogs to sit and come reliably, then changed the circumstances around the command. Responses fell when the command came from a recording, including when the trainer also wore sunglasses, although sunglasses with a spoken command made no clear difference. They fell when she stood about 2.5 meters away, partly behind a screen, and the sit faltered when she turned her back before speaking. The authors concluded that non-verbal features shape how dogs respond.

A companion paper the same year, in the Journal of Comparative Psychology, looked at the word itself. Six dogs trained to sit and come on recorded commands were played versions with individual sounds changed, and their performance declined markedly in every case. To a dog, sit, sit down and a drawn-out siiit can be three different requests. After a stay, the trainer's version of each cue is the one your dog has rehearsed most recently, with the same sound, stance and timing every time.

  • The word, and exactly how it sounds
  • The hand signal, and which hand gives it
  • Where you stand, and whether you face the dog
  • Where your eyes are
  • How fast the reward follows

Consistency and timing

Two habits close most of the gap: one version of each cue, and a reward inside a second

Consistency means one word and one signal per behavior, said once, by everyone in the house, in the form the trainer used. Timing means marking the instant the behavior happens and delivering the reward quickly, because a late reward pays whatever the dog did next, such as getting up out of the sit you meant to reward. Trainers drill both until they are automatic. Most owners are slower and wordier at first, which is normal and fixable with a little practice.

Rate matters as well. During the stay your dog was paid often, and at home rewards can dry up the moment a cue starts working, so the dog stops bothering. Keep rewards generous for the first weeks and thin them gradually. And resist the urge to make a cue stick with a leash pop or a raised voice. Dogtown's training is force-free, and the 2021 AVSAB position statement warns that aversive methods leave animals less motivated to train and less likely to interact with their people.

The two-minute check

Film yourself for two minutes and the difference usually shows

Most owners cannot see their own habits while training, but a phone can. Prop it at your dog's height a few steps away, run five sits and five downs in your quietest room, then watch the clip back with your go-home lesson notes beside you. You are not grading the dog. You are counting the things the studies above changed: the words, the stance, where you looked and how quickly the reward arrived.

Each finding has a simple fix. Repeated cues: say it once, wait three seconds, then help with an easier version. A late marker: practice saying yes the instant the rear touches the floor. Leaning or pointing: stand the way the trainer stood. Food on show before the dog moved: keep it in a pouch until afterward. Change one thing at a time, film again the next day, and bring the best and worst clips to any follow-up session.

  1. 01

    Prop your phone at dog height, a few steps away, with both of you in frame

  2. 02

    Ask for five sits and five downs in your quietest room

  3. 03

    Count how many times you said each cue before your dog moved

  4. 04

    Count the seconds between the behavior and your marker word

  5. 05

    Compare your stance and where you looked with the lesson notes

  6. 06

    Check whether food was visible before your dog moved

  7. 07

    Fix one thing and film again tomorrow

The lesson

The go-home lesson is built for exactly this gap, and Advanced gives you two

At the go-home lesson the trainer runs each skill, then hands you the leash and coaches you through the same skill until your dog answers you. Foundation includes one lesson; Advanced includes two scheduled coaching lessons, so whatever wobbles at home in between can be fixed with the trainer watching. Ask the trainer to watch you rather than only demonstrate, write down every word and signal, and film a minute of the trainer working for reference.

Then practice in the order the lesson gave you: your quietest room, a second room, the yard, a quiet street, and only later a leashed park such as Stage Fort Park in Gloucester. If the gap is still there after two weeks of daily practice, book a private session, from $94, and bring your clips. Dogtown Academy days, $89 full or $69 half, keep a trainer working the same cues while you build your own version at home. Our board and train page lists what each stay covers.

  • Write down every cue word and hand signal at the lesson
  • Ask the trainer to coach you, not only demonstrate
  • Film a minute of the trainer for reference
  • Book a follow-up if the gap lasts beyond two weeks

At Dogtown

Coaching for the person on the leash

Board and train ends with coaching for you, and private sessions and Academy days keep the same cues going afterward.

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Asked and answered

Questions people ask about this

Short, complete answers you can act on today. More in the full FAQ.

Is my dog choosing the trainer over me?
No. The difference comes from practice: the trainer's version of each cue is the one your dog rehearsed most recently. Once your version matches it and pays as reliably, your dog answers you too. Our page on whether dogs bond with the trainer covers the relationship side of the question.
How long until my dog listens to me as well?
There is no fixed timetable. Simple cues in quiet rooms often come round quickly once your words and timing match the lesson; skills that depend on distance or distraction take weeks. If nothing has improved after two weeks of daily practice, book a follow-up session and bring a clip.
Should I get louder if my dog ignores me?
No. A louder or sharper cue is a different sound from the one your dog learned, so it may answer even less, and a raised voice can worry a sensitive dog. Say the cue once in your normal voice, wait a moment, then help with an easier version and reward it.
Does it matter if my partner says the cue differently?
Yes. When researchers changed individual sounds in trained commands, the dogs' performance fell markedly, so come and come here may be two different cues to your dog. Agree on one word and one signal for each behavior and use them identically. Our page on teaching the whole family the cues has a cue-sheet method.
My dog listens at home but not on walks. Is that the same problem?
Related, but that one is about place rather than person. A cue learned in a quiet room has to be practiced in new places, one difficulty at a time, before it holds outdoors. Our generalization page explains why dogs need that step and how to plan it.

More questions? Read the full FAQ

Sources

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Keep reading

Board and train at DogtownGo-home lessons after board and trainGeneralization: why training does not transfer on its ownWill my dog bond with the trainer instead of me? Board and train All guides

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Tell us which cues work for the trainer but not for you. We reply within one hour on business days and set up the coaching you need.

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